My Letter To HIV

For those of you who know Justin B. Terry Smith he started a campaign called “My Letter to HIV” asking people who are either infected/affected to write a letter stating their feelings towards this virus. After writing the letter we are supposed to post it or video tape it. This is my written posting of it and I am working on reading the letter on video as we speak. Here it goes…

Dear HIV,

How can I begin to explain the hate that I have for you
You have infected my body while invading my physical health, mental state, and emotions
I have cried a river of tears enough to fill up Niagra Falls because of you
To the point where I cannot find the water in my body to cry anymore, I am numb
I remember hearing about you back in high school, thinking what a horrible thing to have
Assuring myself that this would never happen to me, you would never be a part of me
I was wrong…
In my mind you only infected “those people”, but never someone like myself
When you came into my circle you took advantage of me at a very vulnerable moment of my life
I had been through hell with my leg and survived death twice
Enduring a break up with a girl I thought I loved after finding out she cheated was hard enough already
Couldn’t you have chosen another time in my life to make your presence known ? ! ? !
All I wanted to do was forget about a relationship but then I ended up finding you instead
It was not intentional believe me and if I could I would get rid of you like yesterdays newspaper
When you infected my body you went for my lymph nodes making them swell and causing me pain like I had never felt before
I guess this was your way of saying, welcome to my new life
I tested for you out of curiosity and routine, not because I wanted anything to do with you
When I found out that you were a part of me it broke me inside, or did it ?
You have put a strain on my personal life, my family life, and my overall being
The stigma and discrimination I face because of you at times is overbearing
The medicine I take to put you in check debilitated me for over a year
Thank God I switched medicines and now can put you in your place while still maintaining my livelihood
Did you hear I am undetectable ? With a good cd4 count?
I bet you hate to hear that, but be prepared, because you will be hearing it every day of my life
Because of you I am single due to the self stigma I put on myself
Due to your presence it makes having a baby very hard for me, not that it isn’t possible and I assure you it will happen, however it is a hurdle to jump over
HIV you have been a menace to my life
However despite all that you have done to me I have to say, thank you
Thank you for teaching me to love myself and those around me
For giving me a purpose in my life
You have been a blessing in disguise, coincidentally
I have grown as a person and have become a better man because of you in my life
Though I hate you with a passion, I cannot imagine where my life would have ended up without you
You do not define who I am or where I go in life, I DO !
You will not stop me from accomplishing my dreams or goals in life, because I can guarantee you I will reach them
I tell everyone about you so hopefully you never meet them
I want to make sure I am the last person you ever get the chance to come in contact with
You have taken too many precious people far too soon, before their destined time
Your destruction will continue but one day there will be a cure
To rid you of this world and send you to the pits, right where you belong
It is a hate – love relationship between you and me HIV
And it will always be that way
I am a very strong person now and through the roller coaster that it has been with you in my life
It has pushed me forward and given me a will to live like never before
I bet that wasn’t your original intention
You wanted me to stay weak, distraught, and in pain
But I am going to let my light continue to shine
Through the darkness and the rain
Life goes on wether you like it or not
Wether I enter the grave with you in me remains to be seen
However while I am still here on earth you better put your guard up
Because this warrior isn’t going to let down
I long for the day I can officialy say goodbye HIV but for now it suits me just to say good night and see you tmw
Joshua D Middleton
I would encourage everyone to check out my new supporter for my blogs @ which is Canada’s Online HIV Magazine. A great organization that is doing much great work for all PLWHA. My blogs will be published on PositiveLite throughout the month so please take the time to explore the site. As always thank you for reading the PozitiveHope Blog and please feel free to check me out at any of the below links or contact me if you have any questions regarding HIV/AIDS via email. All questions ALWAYS remain confidential. Thanks again and have a blessed rest of the evening

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